Jenice Revers is the founder and CEO of JL Revers LTD; she’s a specialist, speaker and author of Immigrant Workers to the UK: A Personal Journey to Success published in November 2013, and Damn It I’m Worthy (2015). Using her life stories and experiences to inspire women and men when it comes to self-healing, self-love and sexual selves, Jenice has worked alongside children and families as a teacher, counsellor, social worker and advisor to the family courts in her homeland, Jamaica and in the UK where she resides.
We decided to speak to Jenice to discuss her launching of her new book, ‘Unspoken’ – a guide which intends to help relationships and build confidence when embracing your sexual nature.
What made you decide to write Unspoken?
Personally I have not completed any formal research to prove this point however, I could safely say that sexual dissatisfaction is among the top three reasons for the break-down of romantic relationships. Yet it is the experience as a provider of social services to families over the past two decades, of my own and close friends’ romantic relationships that we as a society failed to acknowledge the overwhelming impact of sexual satisfaction on the success of a relationship. Often, we minimise the life-giving, stress-relieving, self-esteem enhancing benefits of having a wholesome sex life. Hence, Unspoken is a response to this lack of empowerment to develop a nourishing relationship with one’s sexual self and with others.
Within society today, sex is forcibly pushed into our everyday lives through celebrities, film, TV, music, social media… the list goes on.
Do you believe this has a positive or negative impact on both women and men when talking about their own personal intimacy within their relationships?
The media may have created an idealistic or erroneous view of sex mainly for the purpose of entertainment so you might be led astray if this is your only means of sexual education. Each person or couple is required to explore his/her likes, dislikes in the process of reaching satisfaction in the bedroom.
A lot of cultures and religion view sex differently do you find that you have to tailor your advice accordingly or is there a universal answer that every man and woman is looking for?
It is usually necessary to tone down my message depending on the context and audience I am addressing. However, the core message ‘the need for sexual satisfaction for the relationship’s success’ remains the same for all groups. As a result, the advice is consistent to ‘unashamedly, unapologetically explore your sexual self both on your own and with your partner’.
Human beings find sex a taboo subject. They’re not comfortable talking about sex. Do you feel this book will help them understand / express themselves more?
Yes, Unspoken supports readers to explore and identify what is his/her sex story, how was it formed, and how to change it if this story is negatively impacting on your sexual satisfaction.
Is there anything you found particularly challenging when writing and researching Unspoken?
It was particularly challenging to deliver a message that was inclusive to people of different race, relationship status and sexual preferences without offending anyone. However, based on feedback from readers, I believe that Unspoken has done well to deliver an inclusive message of sexual celebration.
Is the advice given in this book based on experiences of people you know, or events in your own life?
The advice is a combination of my studies and professional experiences in counselling and psychology. I have also had romantic relationships and I am aware of friends’ relationships hence I was able to provide balanced advice of how to enjoy sexual satisfaction in your relationships.
Do you feel women will more read this book?
Unspoken is equally applicable to both men and women, however, based on certain assumptions, women are more likely to read books on sex and relationships, men might assume that they already know everything they need to know on the topic.
Did you learn anything from writing this guide and what was it?
I have become even more aware that the same general intolerance we experience in society is reflected even in the bedroom. We expect others including our partners to be comfortable with only the sexual exploration we are OK with not giving any allowance for individual likes, dislikes and preferences. A lot more communication around sexual satisfaction needs to happen especially among people in relationships in order to prevent the rapid break-down that we are experiencing.
What’s the overall intention of this book?
To empower individuals, both singles and couples, to start the conversation around their sexual desire and satisfaction. Ultimately, for readers to feel that they are able to unashamedly, unapologetically ask for what they want in the bedroom.
What’s the best tip you can give for maintaining a healthy relationship?
Providing it is our hope to maintain healthy relationships, it is crucial that we create a non-threatening space both for ourselves and our partners. This space is necessary for open, honest communication around our sexual desire and how to get these met for greater satisfaction in the bedroom.